With two decades of experience as a copywriter, I’ve crafted engaging and informative content for a diverse variety of products. B2B, B2C, retail, lifestyle—I’ve covered it all. A self-taught individual with a versatile skill set, my expertise extends beyond copywriting to graphic design, video production, storytelling, startups and even programming/testing.
Does this job posting look oddly familiar?
💼 Now Hiring: Emotionally Disengaged Word Technician
🔹 Do you thrive in environments where bold ideas are gently smothered with an Amish-branded throw pillow?
🔹 Are you skilled in saying absolutely nothing in 600 words or less?
🔹 Are you skilled in saying absolutely nothing in 600 words or less?
We’re seeking a highly compliant, passionless individual to fill the critical role of Deadline-Obsessed, Curiosity-Free Copywriter.
📝 Responsibilities
- Turn briefs into briefs, then back into briefs again.
- Rewrite existing headlines to sound slightly less interesting.
- Use the word leverage at least 4x per paragraph.
- Maintain our industry-leading 2% conversion rate by never taking risks.
📋 Requirements
- 3+ years of content that reads like it was written by a sentient toaster.
- Deep understanding of corporate tone, specifically: “bland, but with emojis.”
- Ability to remove all trace of a human voice from any piece of writing.
- Comfortable working in a Slack thread titled #copy-requests with no context.
🥳 Bonus Perks
- Unlimited use of filler phrases like innovative solutions and scalable storytelling.
- A performance review once every fiscal eclipse.
- Free exposure to brand guidelines written by someone who hates joy.
- Casual Fridays (but still emotionally formal).
Chris Darrell
Intelligent Content Design.
Classic storytelling. Next-gen tech. Content without limits.
About Me →Video Selection
9:52
Arbor Day
A short AI film about a paranoid suburban father suffering from dendrophobia who becomes convinced that a sentient tree is out to get him.
Watch Short →
:30
An origami frog sets off for a day at the beach
This was my first attempt at animated motion. But a great example of a fun little video that blends creativity, cuteness and can now be made for pennies on the dollar.
Watch Short →
4:00
A man, desperate for social media recognition, thinks he found his golden ticket.
Simple 2D flash-style animation but a fun little story with a moral.
Watch Short →
2:00
Digital Media Strategy
In an era of machine-made media, volume is cheap. Distinction is priceless.
Watch Video →
:52
Miracle Gummies
A punchy explainer that earns its place at the top of any product page
Watch Explainer →
:52
Largest Tattoo Parlor on Earth
Certified Tattoo, straight out of Denver, employs more artists than any other shop worldwide. One of my favorite clients — and yes, Sarah McLachlan would absolutely approve.
Watch Explainer →
ABOUT ME
STORYTELLING
Finalist-level screenplay writer in Hollywood’s two biggest young talent development programs—Warner Brothers and Disney Fellowship. Privately coached by Emmy-Winning writer from Everybody Loves Raymond.
STARTUP FOUNDER
Leveraged creative, partnerships, industry influencers, and social media to build a multi-million-dollar success story with no investment, no marketing budget and almost solely organic growth.
FULL STACK PROGRAMMER
Graduate degree in computer science and coding background. HTML, JS, CSS on a developer level. Managed large software programs for companies like Fox Studios and Oracle.
2023 RESIDENT FOUNDER
Selected to collaborate with a group of 20 fellow founders to conceive and present innovative startup concepts to venture capitalists in Boulder, CO.
© 2023 Chris Darrell
